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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24598555">Recovery is a slow process</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michelle1801/pseuds/Michelle1801'>Michelle1801</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Speaks Russian, Bucky loves his weapons, Eating Disorder, Fck hydra, M/M, PTSD, Self Harm, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Stucky - Freeform, bucky and nat have history, recovery fic, sam is a good bro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:33:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,364</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24598555</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michelle1801/pseuds/Michelle1801</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve &amp; Bucky, Steve/Bucky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Failed mission</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 1: failed mission </p><p> </p><p> The asset had pulled the blond man-captain America,his mission- from the dirty river. Why? The asset had just left him there, going into the water a second time to get his shield, throwing it next to the unconscious man. He shoot him another look and immediately retreated into the woods. I dint understand the desire to stay close to see if the man would be found. The asset shouldn't be having these thought. He shouldn't even be here. He should have completed his mission and then returned immediately to his handler. But he didn't because he knew him. He knew him from before. The asset didn't understand it. The name the blonde man had called him. Bucky. He tried the name on his lips. It felt wrong. As soon as the asset saw a team getting close, making sure the team was on the captains side, he retreated completely and left the woods on foot. He was hurt, severely injured. He felt weak, drained. He should be going back to his handlers, to hydra but he knew he couldn't do that. He failed his mission. He never had before. He couldn't go back, but deep down he still wanted to. Wanted to be put in the chair, to be wiped again. His whole body aches for it. He wanted to forget, he needed to forget. </p><p>After what felt like hours, the asset found an abandoned building, but the streets around it were still busy. The sun had set but he had no idea what time it was. He watched the building for almost an hour, making sure no one was inside. He found an unlocked window in a side alley, got it open and slipped inside. His hand immediately went for his knife, that was strapped to his thigh. It was one of his favorites. One of his many gerber mark two's. He had lot two in his fight with captain America, same for his gun. But he had still one glock strapped to his chest. It was a back up, which he didn't use and he was glad about it. </p><p>The apartment seemed to be abandoned. The owners hadn't been here for a couple of days. He still checked every single room, just to make sure. He immediately went up the stair, checked every room there. They were all empty. The asset headed to the small bathroom downstairs that unfortunately had no windows. On one hand that was a good thing because he could used his flashlight without anyone in the outside seeing it but on the other hand, he couldn't see the streets. He couldn't tell if someone was pulling up the drive way or if someone else had found him. He tired not to think about his disadvantage and begun taking of his bloodstained clothes. He had multiple cuts and bruises all over his body, there were at least a few broken rips, but that was nothing he had dealt with before. </p><p>His mind wandered to the blond man, captain America, and he was thinking about his injuries. Why was he feeling like this? Why was he sorry? It was his mission and he failed. He failed! He focus on not thinking about the man, while he cleaned his wounds. He just used a damp wash cloth to remove the dirt, h was really concerned about them getting infected, they had never before. For him it was enough to get most of the blood off. He finished that in no time, put his combat clothes back on. He didn't care that they were dirty, wet and covered in blood. It was the only thing he had. He couldn't let them go. He was in pain but nothing to bad. He was used to the pain. He strapped his remaining weapons back to his body, turned off his flash light and left the bathroom. </p><p>By now it was completely dark outside and the streets had gotten more quiet. He was relieved about that. He stayed way from the windows and went to the back of the house, concealed by any neighbors, that could potentially become a threat to him.he hadn't planned on staying to long, but his whole body ached. He was exhausted, but he couldn't go to sleep. Couldn't find rest, he was still on a mission after all and the asset doesn't sleep on missions. That, he was reached years ago. </p><p>He stayed in the house for a couple of house, not getting any sleep, before he left the building the same way he entered it, through the window, leading to a concealed alley. It was early in the morning, when he left. He had no where to go. Where could he go? The asset had no idea. He couldn't go back to hydra, so where would he go? He didn't have a home, his home was hydra, his handlers were his home. Who was his handler now? Hydra? Pierce? No he was dead. Rumloff? The captain? </p><p>He needed to get out of theses clothes, they were raising to much attention, even though he didn't want to let them go. He used various back allies to get to the city. It took him a while to find a place where he could easily steal some clothes, but when he did find a shop, that was still closed, right outside the city,he just used a window to get inside. He was in and out in under three minutes. He snatched a pullover, a pair of pants,some dry socks,a thin jacket and a backpac. On his way out he also found a baseball cap that would conceal his face. He put his combat gear into the backpack. He took out every single weapon and hid them on his body again, which was harder with these clothes but not impossible. His body still ached like crazy and he felt weaker every hour. Food, shot to his mind. The asset was never out of cryo long enough to actually get hungry. </p><p>From where he broke into the shop, it was a long walk to the city and after a while he actually had a destination. An Internet cafe. He needed more Intel on the blonde man. He needed to know who he is. It took him almost the entire morning to find one. He had no idea how theses things work. He simply entered the cafe, but he saw that you need money to access the computers. He didn't have money. Do the library's still have computers, that you can access for free? He had to try. It didn't took him to long to find his way to the library. There were signs telling the way everywhere. He kept his head low, his left hand always buried in the pocket of his jacket, so no one would see his metal arm. </p><p>Accessing the computer at the library was easier than expected. It only took him a few minutes to google: captain America. Thousands of pages popped up. The asset read a lot of different articles, but the one about the man's team back in the fourties made the assets head hurt. Pictures started  popping up in his head. Memories he never knew he had. It was too much. He couldn't handle it. These memories couldn't be true. They couldn't. Something was wrong. These weren't his memories, hydra must have placed them there. The asset found no other explanation. </p><p>The asset clicked on pictures and what he saw gave him an even bigger headache. Pictures of him with captain America, Steven Rogers and his childhood best friend James Buchanan Barnes, who was fighting at captain Americas side from a very young age, even before Steve Rogers became captain America. The asset didn't believe this. How is this true? </p><p>The clicked on the website from a museum in this city. The smithsonian. The museum had an entire captain America exhibition. The asset found the address and left the library quickly, without raising any suspicion. It took him about an hour to get to the museum.</p><p>Now. The asset was sitting in a pretty dark room, watching a movie about captain Americas life. He wasn't alone in the room,there were a few other people but not to many. It still made him a bit nervous. He had pulled the baseball cap all the way in his face because he figured that the chance of getting recognized here was pretty high. After all there were hanging multiple pictures of him across this whole exhibit. </p><p>He finally started to think that maybe this was real. How could hydra have done all of these? All of the pictures, videos and book. He also remembered small bits and pieces. He need to talk to captain America. The asset took another round around the exhibition before heading towards the exit of the museum. The asset quickly headed towards the nearest side alley, so he could leave the city, without being spotted. He had a terrible headache and his whole body didn't exactly feel any better. After a few minutes, he had the feeling that he was being followed, he couldn't see anyone but he knew someone was there. All of the sudden, there was someone over him and the asset felt a sharp pain on his neck. He brought up his hand, but it was already to late, he was already slipping away. The last thing he felt was, his body hitting the ground and then everything went black.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 2</p><p>Previously: He brought up his hand, but it was already to late, he was already slipping away. The last thing he felt was, his body hitting the ground and then everything went black.</p><p> </p><p>When Steve woke up in the hospital a day ago, he felt terrible, not only physically but also mentally. He had lost Bucky again and he wasn't sure if he would ever see him again. Yes, he probably was the person who pulled Steve out of the river but did that mean anything? When he woke up yesterday, sam was there and he had told Steve that he had been unconscious for two days, he was feeling ok, most of his bruises and cuts had healed a bit. He had cuts and bruises all over his face, well all over his body, he had 7 broken rips and he had a pretty bad sprained ankle. </p><p>Steve had fallen asleep about an hour ago, at least that was what the nurse told sam when he came back. He entered Steve's room and Steve opened his eyes almost immediately. "How are you doing?" Sam asked him while sitting down next to his bed. Steve shrugged his shoulders. "Ok, I guess." Sam nodded. Steve noticed that he looked weird, exhausted and really pale. "You ok?" steve asked him. Sam didn't answer. "Sam?" Sam looked up to him. "I need to tell you something and you need to promise me that you won't get mad and stay in your bed!" </p><p>"What do you mean? What's going on, Sam?" Steve sounded worried. Sam had gotten strict orders not to tell Steve but Steve was his best friend and in some way this had to do with with as well. "So, two days ago. The morning after the fight, we got notice of a spotting. You know after the fight on the helicarrier, your team got involved as well. Natasha called them, they were furious. Tony was really mad that you didn't ask him for help. She told them about what had happened, that Bucky pulled you out off the water, that you were safe now, but Bucky was on the run again. A potential threat. Natasha, fury, Maria and tony created a small team, with people we can trust, all within a couple of hours." Steve was quiet, where was sam going with this? "Ok and? What do you mean, you got notice of a spotting?" </p><p>"Tony checked everything, every security camera, every tweet and even the police scanners. We heared about a break in, into a clothing store,the morning after the fight, at first we didn't really think anything about it. But when they started talking about a man that allegedly had a metal arm." Steve sat up. "We got to the crime scene, they had sent Natasha and me, with fake id's. We watched the footage, it was him. He changed his clothes and left in under three minutes. He didn't even care about the cameras. We could follow his tracks all the way into the city. Meanwhile tony was working on a way to capture him." Steves whole body tensed. "He figured something out. He created a sedative using something similar to what he had created for you. He filled multiple darts with the sedative and he explained to me exactly how to use them. Over night he had fixed up my wings, nothing special, just enough so I could use them." Steve interrupted him:" could you please come to your point!" </p><p>"Sorry, yeah. So we followed his tracked to the city. It looked like he had walked all the way to the library. We couldn't find out what he did there, but cameras catches him heading towards the smithsonian. He was in there for almost two hours. Everyone prepared for a fight, we knew he would fight back, but then he exited the museum and he looked bad, Steve. Really bad. He entered a side alley, that's where we got him. A simple dart to his neck an within seconds he was unconscious." Sam barely finished his sentence before Steve started ripping out his IV's. He got up and grabbed his clothes from the chair on the other side of the bed. He felt a sharp pain in his left foot,but he tried to ignore it. "Where is he?" </p><p>"You need to stay in bed! You haven't healed yet!" Sam stood up. "You really expected me not to do anything after you told me all of that? Where is he, sam?" Steve's voice had gotten louder. Sam really hadn't thought this through. "He's in the stark tower", Sam said quiet. Steve was mad, really mad. "I need to get there now! If you don't drive me, I don't care, I will run if have to!" Sam nodded. He knew that and deep down he had known that this conversation would end like this. "I will drive you."</p><p>A nurse opened the door. "What are you doing out of bed mr. Rogers? Your injuries are still fresh. You shouldn't be up." Steve completely ignored her, he was already in his own pants,currently struggling to get his shirt on. It hurt, it hurt like hell, but Steve didn't care. He needed to get to Bucky. "Are you listening to me, mr. Rogers. If you leave now, you will leave against your doctors orders!" The nurse tried again. This time sam answered."I think he knows that. Sorry, are there any papers he has to sign?" The nurse looked from Steve to Sam. "Yes, if he really wished to leave against the order of his doctor he needs to fill out a form." </p><p>"Great, could you get that for us?" The nurse nodded that left the room. "Just fill out that form real quick and then we can leave." The nurse came back with a piece of paper and a pen. Steve signed it ad handed it back to her. "If any of your cuts start bleeding again or you feel dizzy or nauseous, please come back to the hospital immediately. Try not to put to much pressure on that foot!" </p><p>The two of them reached the stark tower in record time,parked the car and Steve almost ran inside. Sam had to hurry to get into the elevator in time. Steve had no idea on which floor Bucky was but he was sure he would find someone on Tony's floor. Sam knew that Steve was mad and he could understand why. If it was the other way around, he'd probably be mad too. The doors opened and of course tony was already waiting for them. "Hey birdy, I thought we had agreed not to tell Steve just yet." Sam shrugged his shoulders. "I want to see him!" Steve interrupted. "Yeah, I figured that", tony finally looked at Steve. "You look terrible!" When Steve didn't answer him, he sighed. "Back into the elevator then", he pushed past them and sam and Steve followed him back into the elevator. "Jarvis, Floor 37A, please!" Steve gave Sam a look, who shrugged his shoulders again. </p><p>The doors opened and Steve was pretty shocked. This floor looked like it was an entire medical wing. Steve had been in this tower hundreds of times and he never knew about this. Tony walked straight across and owed the door next to the counter in the back. He waited for the Sam and Steve, let them in first. Sam had been here multiple times now, but Steve didn't have to know that. Behind the door was a staircase. Steve was really confused. Why did this floor had it own staircase. They went down the stairs, to door that required a keycard and a pin code. "I built this floor after ultron. I figured we could really need our own little medical wing. I was right by the way. If you're confused about the stairs, you can only access this staircase if you're on this floor and only a few people have access to this floor. We built this part for banner. You know, if we ever needed it." Tony opened the door. They entered and it was a simple room. No windows, on the left side was a metal table, that was currently filled with different stuff, on the other side was a small table with three chairs. Steve got even more confused. "We built a 'cell' for banner, where he could go or we could put him if he would ever loose control. If we go through that door, there's a room with a window that will face the cell. He can't see us but we can see him. It's soundproof as well. After you", tony pointed at the door. Steve hesitated for a second before opening it. In the room, there was Maria who was clearly watching Bucky in the cell. She gave him a small smile before getting up and leaving the three of them alone.</p><p>Steve turned to look through the window. He gasped. Bucky was sitting in the corner of the room, on the floor, knees pulled to his chest. His eyes were closed but Steve could tell that he was awake. He looked terrible, even worse than Steve himself. He had dark circles under his eyes, he was really pale, his hair was a mess and he looked lost in his clothes. Tony came up next to him. "He's been here for almost 48 hours and he still refuses to eat. I won't even drink. Whenever someone enters the room, he completely flips. He's been sitting in that corner for nearly 40 hours now. He only moved when someone entered." Steve's eyes began to water. He did this to him. He quickly blinked the tears away. "Why didn't you get me earlier?" Steve asked. "Steve, you were unconscious. You couldn't have done anything. You needed time to heal!" Sam placed a hand on Steve's shoulder. </p><p>"I want to talk to him", steve said while looking at Sam.  "I don't think that is a good idea. He has already attacked multiple people!" </p><p>Steve shook his head. "It won't be any different with you, Steve.  He doesn't even remember his own name. He won't recognize you!" </p><p>"Please..." Steve looked like he was about to cry. "Don't say I didn't warn you!" Sam sighed. "Unlock the door", he added. The door unlocked and sam looked at Steve. "It's unlocked now. Enter when you are ready. And be careful. That man is dangerous!" Steve nodded. He took a few deep breaths and stepped to the door. He gave Sam one last look and entered.</p>
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